Commenters have slammed a woman who suggested her boyfriend not get in touch with her 3-year-old son for his own ‘sanity’.
The original poster (OP), known as u/carrot-i-am, posted about the situation to Reddit’s popular “Am I The A**hole” forum where it received nearly 7 000 upvotes and 4,700 comments. The job can be found here.
Family strangeness
When people talk about “having no contact” with their family members, they are referrer the act of deliberately cutting off all communication with a particular person, often a toxic parent. This is also commonly referred to as estrangement.
One in four American adults is separated from their family, according to a study by sociologist Karl Pillemer.
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The United States Census estimates that about 7 million fathers are estranged from their children, with about 42 percent of “absent” fathers reporting at least monthly contact with their child living elsewhere.
‘AITA?’
In the post titled “AITA for suggesting my partner go to NC with his son for 6 months?”, the PO said his boyfriend had a child with his ex-girlfriend when they were 17 and 18 year.
The man’s ex decided to keep the child and broke up with him, which left him ‘destroyed’ as he never wanted to be a father.
The PO said she came into her boyfriend’s life three years ago, a month after the birth of her son. Now that the child is older, the OP and her boyfriend have taken care of him for a weekend once a month or two, saying they live more than two hours apart and “have lots of love.” ‘commitments that can’t happen if we take care of him.
“All of these weekends are hell for my partner, and it just keeps getting worse,” the post read. “He puts on a happy face around his son and his family so as not to hurt anyone or create conflict. But whenever we are alone he breaks down in tears.”
Recently, the OP’s boyfriend received a text from his ex “accusing him of abandoning his child” upon seeing him for a few days every one to two months.
“She told him he was a terrible person for this. That he had to step in. Since then, every time he remembers he has a son, he breaks down,” the post read. . “It’s heartbreaking to watch him suffer. Ever since we met, he’s always said he wished he could go back and change things so he wouldn’t be a dad.”
“Hate his son”
The PO said her boyfriend told her he ‘hated his son and his ex’ and she recently suggested he ‘take a break’ from them for six months and find a counsellor.
“That would mean there would be no contact with his son or his ex,” the post read. “After the 6 months, we could reevaluate and see if he would be able to cope with being a part of his son’s life. I’m so worried about his mental health.”
Since their initial conversation, the OP said her boyfriend seemed “brighter and less pessimistic” and thanked her for encouraging him to seek help.
“I told a few good friends about it and they called me AH for taking my partner away from his son,” the post read. “That he needs to get over it and be the father his son needs him to be.”
The OP said her boyfriend was also nervous about his parents finding out because they love their grandchild, and she told him that just because he doesn’t see his child doesn’t mean they can’t. not.
“Deep down I feel like I am TA, but I stand by my proposal because his sanity matters, it’s not something that can be set aside and forgotten,” the post read. “So Reddit, AITA for suggesting my partner go to North Carolina with his son?”
Editors’ reactions
More than 4,700 users commented on the post, with many criticizing the OP for suggesting her boyfriend has no contact with her son.
“So…your solution is to make him give up his toddler?” one user commented that they received nearly 20,000 upvotes. “Get out of here with that BS. You’re using his sanity as an excuse when what he needs to do is step in and be responsible for his life choices. He doesn’t need you to allow his bad behavior. You’re both YTA if that’s not entirely clear.”
“YTA!!! The kid is 3 and the daddy doesn’t even do the bare minimum for him and you want there to be no contact!?!” another user commented. “Give him a vasectomy, parenting classes and therapy so he can be a better father and not give up on a child he created! And if you want to be cool without a child, go now with a childless man!”
“You are not going into contact with a child; you are NEGLECTING a child,” another user commented. “If your partner has a small child that he only sees one weekend every two months, he already does.”
“Negligent almost certainly requires you to always be (somewhat) present,” one user commented. “It’s downright abandonment.”
Newsweek contacted u/carrot-i-am for comment.
Other Viral Posts
In another viral post on Reddit, a woman has been backed for refusing to raise her father’s daughter after he and his wife died in an accident.
Another woman has also been praised online after banning her son from seeing his grandparents and a man has been urged to seek professional help after revealing he ‘can’t stand’ his daughter.
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